Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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