some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
