Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
