I swear she didn't look like that last week.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
