my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
