I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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