blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
