i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
