So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
