it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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