No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
