well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
