Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
