Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
