I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
