Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
