You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
