"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
