I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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