She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
