i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
