i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
In America we eat man semen.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
