Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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