I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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