yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
