I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My penis needs a shock collar
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
