Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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