If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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