i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
