Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
