I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
