She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
