I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
