how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
