I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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