i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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