My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
