Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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