My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
