i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
