so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
