so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
