the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
