If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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