I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
