Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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