speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
