dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dicks are not precious.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
