My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
