I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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